… 13 …

thirteen years now since our precious Alex left this world …

he was born on the 13th of February 1982 …

he crossed over on the 13th of January 1999 …

exactly one month away from his seventeenth birthday…

which is now his spirit birthday as we have heard it called…

… 13 years gone …

more than 4,745 days without our boy here to hug…

I watched Rabbit Hole with Nicole Kidman last year and parts of this dialogue helped put words to some of what I feel these many years down the road…

Becca: Does it ever go away?
Nat: No, I don’t think it does. Not for me, it hasn’t – has gone on for eleven years. But it changes though.
Becca: How?
Nat: I don’t know… the weight of it, I guess. At some point, it becomes bearable. It turns into something that you can crawl out from under and… carry around like a brick in your pocket. And you… you even forget it, for a while. But then you reach in for whatever reason and – there it is. Oh right, that. Which could be awful – not all the time. It’s kinda…
[deep breath]
not that you’d like it exactly, but it’s what you’ve got instead of your son. So, you carry it around. And ….. it doesn’t go away.

Which is…
Becca: Which is what?
Nat: Fine, actually.

our Alex is with us everywhere we go and in everything we do…

forever young…XOXOXO

**Worldwide Candlelighting*7pm*11 December**

Light a candle to remember all the children …

gone too soon …

7 pm in your time zone on the second Sunday, 11 December 2011…

this worldwide event is held at 7pm for one hour in every time zone to create a 24-hour wave of Light that encircles the globe to honor and remember all children who have died …

as candles go out in one time zone, they are lit in the next creating a virtual 24-hour memorial encircling the globe …

that their Light may always shine …

we Love you Alex …

we miss you …

give Omi a BIG hug for us too

oxoxoxo

the beating of my heart…

inspired by Dawn’s September art journal challenge…I decided to get busy…

I have been in a journaling mood lately…

jumping from one book to another and another in a bit of a creative frenzy…

my How It Works encyclopedia (1970′s) pages have been glued and paint scraped with just a few spreads completed so far…

each page measures approximately 10.5 x 8.25 inches (26.67 x 20.95 cm)…

the last thing I did in this journal was a farewell spread for  Wednesday Stamper here … still missing you Mittwochstempler!!!

Dawn’s challenge this month is to “add an inclusion (something stuck to the middle of a spread that you can see both sides of when turned over) or a tag” … as it happens I have had these pages in limbo for a long time…

imagine a scary face/eye and lips in that outline of the pages sticking out…

see where the nose would have been…

covering it with circle graph paper really helped things open up for me…

I used some Graphics Fairy and Tullulah images to create transfers with Citra Solv and tissue paper …

Love how those turn out each and every time …

quick and easy and dreamy…

I was very honored recently to be linked in Citra Solv’s Artist Gallery here …

on the left side of my spread I used the original that I made the veiled lady tissue transfer out of …

I am saving the actual tissue paper transfer of her for another project …she’s way off to the left in the photo above…

both pieces have a very nice look and feel to them …

the heart chart that I have running across both pages is from back in 2004 when I some heart testing done …

I guess it is my EKG (not 100% about that) …

glad I thought to ask for a copy…

here is a closer look at my inclusion …

a photo of our son Alex not quite two years old hauling a big plastic watering can around the garden popped up at just the right time and that is when my pages really became extra meaningful to me …

this was not where I thought these pages might go …

what a little nature boy he was …

my Mutti knit the hooded sweater he was wearing …

the dangling tea cups are free images from Dover … they added nicely to the open tea tag I glued onto the page…

I used the tea string to tie them on …

it will be fun to see what Dawn has in mind for her October art journal challenge…

Kandeland Tea

today I am enjoying  a lovely cup of fragrant Organic India Tulsi sweet rose tea … in my German I Love You cup …

the tea is SO delicate and delicious …

thanks to Natalea of Kandeland …

I was the lucky winner of the pretty lady in red…a hanging ornament…from a recent giveaway over at Natalea’s Kandeland “always something sweet to share!” blog…

…isn’t she precious…such a clever design with the little heart on a string under her skirt and perfect touches of bling…

for everything Valentine and lots of sweet inspiration … you’ll want to pop over and visit Natalea…

February is a special month for our family not only because of Valentine’s Day but two very special people in my life were born this month…my beloved Mr Magpie and our precious Alex … our early valentine …

wishing you a sweet February and a Happy T Tuesday before Valentine’s Day…

“the ‘L’ in Love should be capitalized” ~Patty Szymkowicz

on this day…1999

“You will lose someone you can’t live without, and your heart will be badly broken, and the bad news is that you never completely get over the loss of your beloved.   But this is also the good news.   They live forever in your broken heart that doesn’t seal back up. And you come through.   It’s like having a broken leg that never heals perfectly—that still hurts when the weather gets cold, but you learn to dance with the limp.”  ~Anne Lamott

thank you Cat for the perfect quote…

how can it be twelve years since our beautiful son left us…

it seems like only yesterday

AND an eternity all wrapped in one…

Mr Magpie came across this precious little thumb print drawing that Alex made when he was a month away from turning seven…

metamorphosis

…it was here all the time…

waiting to be discovered…

we were stunned when we saw the date…13 Jan 1989…

I keep trying to capture the sweetness of life as I continue dancing with this limp…

I thought that maybe this year I would not say anything here about the anniversary date…but then decided it would not be very authentic of me to go on as if nothing were different on this day…it does seem to carry more weight than other days…

maybe I need to hear myself say… even though the unimaginable happened…

there is Hope

and by the Grace of God…we keep moving forward…

thank you for being here…I know we are each touched by grief and loss at some time in this life  oxoxo

“I hope you jump in rain puddles” ~Faces of Hope, Children born on 9/11, President Obama’s 12 Jan 2011 speech

*Light a Candle*12 December*7pm in your time zone*

this Sunday is Worldwide Candle Lighting day to honor and remember all children who have gone too soon…by lighting a candle for an hour at 7pm in your time zone you will help create a wave of light that will travel the globe in quiet remembrance…

we remember our precious Alex

and so many others

each and every day…

our blue eyed boy …

forever young…

wish I had a river…..

 

your Birth Day

 

well meaning and lovely people have often said  ” celebrate his life … bake a cake … he would want you to be happy …”

I am still here … doing the best I can … just not feeling ready to bake that cake … quite yet

*thanks once again to ACF for the lovely lady image and to Michelle for the gorgeous lace*

Your Birth Day by Sandy Goodman

Yesterday,
there were tears
sad thoughts
long sighs
and a bleakness
i had not visited in a while
your grave was cold
the rose beside your rock dead and brittle
bubbles meant to send love your way
frozen
and useless
But today,
one day closer
the sun shines timidly
and I pull my thoughts
out of myself
and share them with those who know
i light candles
say your name
touch your picture
your silly grin warms the chill
i will find my way
around the fear
and come to the place
where I can celebrate your first breath
rather than mourn
your last.
Written by  ~ Sandy Goodman

remembering our Dear Alex today and every day

a happy boy on a Thanksgiving day many years ago on Skyline Drive

this priceless canvas from Bags of Love is the first thing I see each morning … sweet memories … it is no wonder I Love snow

Happy Birthday Precious  One … Ich Liebe Dich fur immer und immer   OXOXOXOO