Category Archives: Alex

an early Valentine…

part of a class assignment in Misty Mawn’s FULL CIRCLE Workshop was to create a “day in the life” photo collage and poem…

Pin cushion I made for my Mom

photos are something I enjoy taking each and every day but releasing words and emotions can be a bit more challenging…

Snowheart

on an icy day recently I snapped lots of photos using my favorite Pixlr along with Misty’s generous class instructions to make a collage/mosaic…

Lady Love

the heart in the center below was created out on our back porch in January when our weather went from very cold to much much warmer in an instant steaming up a mirror…

Happy Birthday in Heaven Sweet Alexander

 I lit a candle and wrote a little Love note to our son Alex

Heart for U

wishing you and yours a lovely Valentine’s Day and may each and every day be filled with L♥ve Sweet L♥ve…

“chipped and broken 
this heart anchors me in ice

warmed by L♥ve
my frozen fears turn into dust

to shine and glow 
…still…”  

~Patty Szymkowicz

*please send healing prayers and get well wishes to a most beloved artist and blog friend Dorthe Hansen*

thoughtful silence…

in the past on this day many of you dear ones have helped create a circle of L♥ve and support both spoken and silent by sending healing wishes and kind thoughts and for that I am ♥ever grateful♥…

one of my collaged postcards printed on tea bag paper

the grip of grief still holds us but over time it seems a bit of numbness has set in…

Tea bag papers and more

 still trying to hold it all together with bits of this and that…

little messages tucked away…

(one of my collaged postcards printed on used tea bag paper…blue background paper from my Mutti’s childhood school autograph book…tags and a bit of rubber stamping with shrink plastic of a favorite stamp “ART HELPS ME BREATHE“)

tags with silent messages on the back

we are always happy to hear his name…

Alex

Alexander

Alexander David…

a thoughtful silence

“If you feel lost, disappointed, hesitant, or weak, return to yourself, to who you are, here and now and when you get there, you will discover yourself, like a lotus flower in full bloom, even in a muddy pond, beautiful and strong.”  ~Masura Emoto

sending caring thoughts to all those living with grief and loss

… 13 …

thirteen years now since our precious Alex left this world …

he was born on the 13th of February 1982 …

he crossed over on the 13th of January 1999

exactly one month away from his seventeenth birthday…

which is now his spirit birthday as we have heard it called…

13 years gone …

more than 4,745 days without our boy here to hug…

I watched Rabbit Hole with Nicole Kidman last year and parts of this dialogue helped put words to some of what I feel these many years down the road…

Becca: Does it ever go away?
Nat: No, I don’t think it does. Not for me, it hasn’t – has gone on for eleven years. But it changes though.
Becca: How?
Nat: I don’t know… the weight of it, I guess. At some point, it becomes bearable. It turns into something that you can crawl out from under and… carry around like a brick in your pocket. And you… you even forget it, for a while. But then you reach in for whatever reason and – there it is. Oh right, that. Which could be awful – not all the time. It’s kinda…
[deep breath]
not that you’d like it exactly, but it’s what you’ve got instead of your son. So, you carry it around. And ….. it doesn’t go away.
Which is…
Becca: Which is what?
Nat: Fine, actually.
our Alex is with us everywhere we go and in everything we do…
forever young…XOXOXO

**Worldwide Candlelighting*7pm*11 December**

Light a candle to remember all the children …

gone too soon …

7 pm in your time zone on the second Sunday, 11 December 2011…

this worldwide event is held at 7pm for one hour in every time zone to create a 24-hour wave of Light that encircles the globe to honor and remember all children who have died …

as candles go out in one time zone, they are lit in the next creating a virtual 24-hour memorial encircling the globe …

that their Light may always shine …

we Love you Alex

we miss you …

give Omi a BIG hug for us too

oxoxoxo

the beating of my heart…

inspired by Dawn’s September art journal challenge…I decided to get busy…

I have been in a journaling mood lately…

jumping from one book to another and another in a bit of a creative frenzy…

my How It Works encyclopedia (1970′s) pages have been glued and paint scraped with just a few spreads completed so far…

each page measures approximately 10.5 x 8.25 inches (26.67 x 20.95 cm)

the last thing I did in this journal was a farewell spread for  Wednesday Stamper here … still missing you Mittwochstempler!!!

Dawn’s challenge this month is to “add an inclusion (something stuck to the middle of a spread that you can see both sides of when turned over) or a tag” … as it happens I have had these pages in limbo for a long time…

imagine a scary face/eye and lips in that outline of the pages sticking out…

see where the nose would have been…

covering it with circle graph paper really helped things open up for me…

I used some Graphics Fairy and Tullulah images to create transfers with Citra Solv and tissue paper …

Love how those turn out each and every time …

quick and easy and dreamy…

I was very honored recently to be linked in Citra Solv’s Artist Gallery here

on the left side of my spread I used the original that I made the veiled lady tissue transfer out of …

I am saving the actual tissue paper transfer of her for another project …she’s way off to the left in the photo above…

both pieces have a very nice look and feel to them …

the heart chart that I have running across both pages is from back in 2004 when I some heart testing done …

I guess it is my EKG (not 100% about that) …

glad I thought to ask for a copy…

here is a closer look at my inclusion

a photo of our son Alex not quite two years old hauling a big plastic watering can around the garden popped up at just the right time and that is when my pages really became extra meaningful to me …

this was not where I thought these pages might go …

what a little nature boy he was …

my Mutti knit the hooded sweater he was wearing …

the dangling tea cups are free images from Dover … they added nicely to the open tea tag I glued onto the page…

I used the tea string to tie them on …

it will be fun to see what Dawn has in mind for her October art journal challenge…

Kandeland Tea

today I am enjoying  a lovely cup of fragrant Organic India Tulsi sweet rose tea … in my German I Love You cup

the tea is SO delicate and delicious …

thanks to Natalea of Kandeland

I was the lucky winner of the pretty lady in red…a hanging ornament…from a recent giveaway over at Natalea’s Kandeland “always something sweet to share!” blog…

…isn’t she precious…such a clever design with the little heart on a string under her skirt and perfect touches of bling…

for everything Valentine and lots of sweet inspiration … you’ll want to pop over and visit Natalea

February is a special month for our family not only because of Valentine’s Day but two very special people in my life were born this month…my beloved Mr Magpie and our precious Alex … our early valentine …

wishing you a sweet February and a Happy T Tuesday before Valentine’s Day…

“the ‘L’ in Love should be capitalized” ~Patty Szymkowicz

on this day…1999

“You will lose someone you can’t live without, and your heart will be badly broken, and the bad news is that you never completely get over the loss of your beloved.   But this is also the good news.   They live forever in your broken heart that doesn’t seal back up. And you come through.   It’s like having a broken leg that never heals perfectly—that still hurts when the weather gets cold, but you learn to dance with the limp.”  ~Anne Lamott

thank you Cat for the perfect quote…

how can it be twelve years since our beautiful son left us…

it seems like only yesterday

AND an eternity all wrapped in one…

Mr Magpie came across this precious little thumb print drawing that Alex made when he was a month away from turning seven…

metamorphosis

…it was here all the time…

waiting to be discovered…

we were stunned when we saw the date…13 Jan 1989…

I keep trying to capture the sweetness of life as I continue dancing with this limp…

I thought that maybe this year I would not say anything here about the anniversary date…but then decided it would not be very authentic of me to go on as if nothing were different on this day…it does seem to carry more weight than other days…

maybe I need to hear myself say… even though the unimaginable happened…

there is Hope

and by the Grace of God…we keep moving forward…

thank you for being here…I know we are each touched by grief and loss at some time in this life  oxoxo

“I hope you jump in rain puddles” ~Faces of Hope, Children born on 9/11, President Obama’s 12 Jan 2011 speech

*Light a Candle*12 December*7pm in your time zone*

this Sunday is Worldwide Candle Lighting day to honor and remember all children who have gone too soon…by lighting a candle for an hour at 7pm in your time zone you will help create a wave of light that will travel the globe in quiet remembrance

we remember our precious Alex

and so many others

each and every day…

our blue eyed boy …

forever young…

wish I had a river…..

 

your Birth Day

 well meaning and lovely people have often said  ” celebrate his life … bake a cake … he would want you to be happy …”

1love-fabric-postcard

I am still here … doing the best I can … just not feeling ready to bake that cake … quite yet

*thanks once again to ACF for the lovely lady image and to Michelle for the gorgeous lace*

Your Birth Day by Sandy Goodman

Yesterday,
there were tears
sad thoughts
long sighs
and a bleakness
i had not visited in a while
your grave was cold
the rose beside your rock dead and brittle
bubbles meant to send love your way
frozen
and useless
But today,
one day closer
the sun shines timidly
and I pull my thoughts
out of myself
and share them with those who know
i light candles
say your name
touch your picture
your silly grin warms the chill
i will find my way
around the fear
and come to the place
where I can celebrate your first breath
rather than mourn
your last.
Written by  ~ Sandy Goodman

remembering our Dear Alex today and every day

a happy boy on a Thanksgiving day many years ago on Skyline Drive


this priceless canvas from Bags of Love is the first thing I see each morning … sweet memories … it is no wonder I Love snow


Happy Birthday Precious  One … Ich Liebe Dich fur immer und immer   OXOXOXOO

all is calm … all is bright

… once at a summer concert on the courthouse lawn of a small Virginia town … our then young son, Alex, made a special request of the performer that evening

John McCutcheon

to our delight he granted our wish and played “our” song under the twinkling stars that warm July night

if you can spare a few minutes … the story it has to tell is very special, oh so touching … and it’s true

there is a movie that came out in 2005 about this magic moment in history on that Christmas eve so long ago

*you may want to turn down your volume … the movie clip below is a lot louder than the music video above … don’t want you to get blasted*

May each of you be surrounded by Peace and Light along with the Love of all those you hold dear … may it fill your hearts to overflowing now and always

oxoxo

*Light a Candle*13 December*7pm in your time zone*


 

or click here

light a candle to remember all the children … gone too soon … 7pm in your time zone on the second Sunday, 13 December 2009

this event is held at 7:00 p.m. for one hour in every time zone to create a 24-hour wave of light that encircles the globe to honor and remember all children who have died … as candles go out in one time zone, they are lit in the next creating a virtual 24-hour memorial  encircling the globe

…that their Light may always shine…

we Love you Alex

and miss you bunches and bunches … fur immer und immer

oxoxo

Still Here…

feeling a little blue …

I-am-Still-here

I decided to let these pages flow … with less censoring …

How

it’s a fine line, I feel, on how personal to get here in the land of blog

Precious-Healing

then again … what is a blog  if not an expression of ourselves

Alex

Julie’s Super Nova art journaling workshop is wonderful on so many levels … there are discussion groups and of course Julie’s inspiring lessons … monoprinting is something I am really getting into and I am crazy about stenciling with plastic doilies

Still-Here

some days I wonder how I can feel joy at all without our special boy here to hug … always grateful for healing that comes in many mysterious and wondrous ways

John Mayer sings beautifully about the heart of life  here … I can listen to this song over and over and ….

DisCo Discovery: Blue…the Color of Hope

Seth Apter’s brilliant Disintegration Collaboration (DisCo) project has been thrilling from its inception in January of this year

be sure and stop by to find out all about it and visit the growing list of participating artists

lantern update

bundles put out to brave the elements

No Worries

disintegration all around us…transforming everything

EarthDayUpdateBundlesCombined

there is beauty in rust and decay

LanternIngredientsI was a bit stuck moving forward to the next step here…wanting this to be something…..wonderful…..if I have learned anything….it’s to not focus on the outcome…but to play…create and pay no mind to the “will it be good enough” monster

that said … here it is…..this assemblage would not give me rest and then it flowed effortlessly

“The mother-child relationship is paradoxical and, in a sense, tragic.  It requires the most intense Love on the mother’s side, yet this very Love must help the child grow away from the mother, and to become fully independent.”  ~Erich Fromm

DisCo*click for a closer look*

it speaks to our three boys…using elements of the great ocean…the origin of all life…with healing powers that help regenerate the spirit…the waves echoing our pulse and the salt of our tears…

our eldest off finding himself…a “son of the hills”

DisCo Ian

(thank you Pat for the perfect book piece!)

our middle son Alex…at rest

DisCo AlexanderDavid

and our youngest son with eyes that have seen so much in his young life

DisCo Colin

“A mother’s Love is patient and forgiving when all others are forsaking, it never fails or falters, even though the heart is breaking” ~Helen Rice