… 13 …

thirteen years now since our precious Alex left this world …

he was born on the 13th of February 1982 …

he crossed over on the 13th of January 1999

exactly one month away from his seventeenth birthday…

which is now his spirit birthday as we have heard it called…

13 years gone …

more than 4,745 days without our boy here to hug…

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MvC77iWO648

I watched Rabbit Hole with Nicole Kidman last year and parts of this dialogue helped put words to some of what I feel these many years down the road…

Becca: Does it ever go away?
Nat: No, I don’t think it does. Not for me, it hasn’t – has gone on for eleven years. But it changes though.
Becca: How?
Nat: I don’t know… the weight of it, I guess. At some point, it becomes bearable. It turns into something that you can crawl out from under and… carry around like a brick in your pocket. And you… you even forget it, for a while. But then you reach in for whatever reason and – there it is. Oh right, that. Which could be awful – not all the time. It’s kinda…
[deep breath]
not that you’d like it exactly, but it’s what you’ve got instead of your son. So, you carry it around. And ….. it doesn’t go away.
Which is…
Becca: Which is what?
Nat: Fine, actually.
our Alex is with us everywhere we go and in everything we do…
forever young…XOXOXO

51 responses to “… 13 …

  1. My heart and my thoughts are with you and your family …. take care, x

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  2. praying for your heart to be lifted on this day

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  3. My heart goes out to you and your family. You are in my prayers.
    Anne xxx

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  4. My heart is hurting for you today, Patty. I loved the piece you quoted. It has so much truth in it.

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  5. My heart breaks for you Patty. I so admire the way your soul shines. pen x

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  6. My thoughts are with you today. May your pain be lessened by all of those who are thinking of you at this time. Take care!

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  7. Patty, you and Alex will be in my heart always on this day, for it is my husband’s birthday. We are connected to this dialogue from “Rabbit Hole” because I lost my little sister in 1976. I will make a copy of this. You and I and people like us…know why. I’ll say a special prayer for you today, Patty.

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  8. A hug to you Patty 🙂

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  9. Praying and thinking of you today. Alex would be so proud of you, Patty.

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  10. Every year on this date, I cry for you. In fact, I’m crying right now. Those words from that movie are SO true. I know because it’s how I felt when I lost my Grandmother. The pain gets easier with time, but something always brings it back into focus. Just like with Alex.

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  11. Sending lots of hugs to you Patty, I hope this is a day that you can remember all the wonderful precious times you spent with your son and let those thoughts bring smiles and not too many tears……Lots of Love surrounds you all today 🙂

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  12. Patty, my heart aches for you, wrapping you in a great big hug Mx

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  13. Sending my love to you and Mr Magpie today.

    I liked the quotes from the movie. That pretty much sums it up nicely. Always there in our pockets. We lost our dau-in-law in Feb of 1999 and every year we remember her smiling and beautiful self.

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  14. Hugs, girlfriend, it is always fascinating to me what triggers the thoughts at some point when you haven’t even been thinking of the close loved one who has pasted over. Heaven is a warmer and lovelier place with all of our beloved souls hugging us when we least expect it. We celebrate the “day of the dead” on All Souls Day – and other “anniversaries” – they are with us always. Love you, M

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  15. Big Hugs Patty ..thinking of you today x

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  16. Patti – The brick is full of beautiful memories to take out of your pocket and cherish and it is always there for you. I recently saw this movie and those exact words you quoted resonated with me too, very powerful and so true. Hugs and love to you and Mr. Magpie…
    ~ Rhonda

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  17. Dearest Patty
    I feel your heavy heart and your pain.
    Alex is indeed still with you in spirit and you with him – he will always be loved. You have kept him in your heart – he is part of you.

    The beauty of the spoken word in that converstion touched my heart.
    I couldn’t watch that film, I’m so soft – maybe I will try again.

    You are in my heart dear Patty, as always, at this time.
    Hugs and caring
    Shane x

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  18. I have no words to say ,as l have never been in the position of loosing a child. But please know l am thinking of you and sending you love and hugsxxlynda

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  19. Dear Patty….
    Sending hugs of understanding. Sometimes its hard to breath for the pain in your heart. Thankful for remembering.

    Dot

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  20. O Patty. What a heart felt post. I love so many things about it and mostly I wish sincerely that there was no reason to write it at all. Ah, you are making me cry {I have 3 sons so it is resonating with me quite strongly within me}. Bless your memories and your Divine knowing that you are always one.
    Much love and Peace~
    Dawn

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  21. Oh, Patty, I wish I could be with you to give you a big hug and have some tea and conversation. The movie quote is an excellent explanation of how this whole grief process goes. It doesn’t go away but it becomes bearable. Sweet, precious Alex-I carry you and your family in my heart always.

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  22. My dear Patty.
    I am in thoughts again quite firmly with you. Unfortunately, my words cannot express it what I would like to say to you.
    I embrace you and will be during this day in thoughts with you. xoxo

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  23. Thinking of you today Patty…
    Love, Diane

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  24. Today I am with you in only by computer…Tracy Chapman’s Promise is an elegant poetic song that reminds us that we are energy forces that never really go away. The pain is a forever pang…and yet in his memory warms you…silently touches you…reaches out for you like whispers on the wind. I named my studio “Whispers and Echoes” because when I am there I am with my mother and father. You are so loved. I wish you peace in your memories. Mary Helen Fernandez Stewart

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  25. xoxo dear friend

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  26. My heartfelt thoughts and prayers with you. May you feel the presence of some special whispers from your son today to send you love and peace.

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  27. So much love to you Patty …. It sounds like that would have been a hard movie to watch …. You are both brave and tender … I hope it really is “not all the time awful” like the dialog says …

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  28. Thoughts are with you and yours my friend. And – with your Alex. xxoo

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  29. My thoughts are with you today. Big hug dear Patty

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  30. im thinking of you today Patty and sending you and your family hugs xxxx

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  31. What a beautiful and poignant post Patty. Alex sure did a great job in selecting his parents. You should be very proud! Sending lots of comforting thoughts your way- hugs and love! xxxooo Jill

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  32. Love to you from one mother to another…

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  33. Patty, I don’t know what to say. I’m so sorry for your loss. Having children myself I can’t begin to imagine a moment without them. My heart reaches out to hold you! Big hugs and lots of love coming your way!!

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  34. It’s hard to believe it’s been 13 years. I still remember your phone call. In some ways, it seems like it was only yesterday and in some ways it seems so long ago. My heart is with you and JJJ and your pain always makes me sad. I wish I could be there to give you a big hug. I am thinking of you and your special angel, Alex.

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  35. you, dear patty, remain one of the most amazing mothers i have ever known. the brick is fine. and your ability to decorate it with such delicacy and beauty leaves me inspired every day of my life.

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  36. So sorry Patty. I didn’t know about Alex until now. Love, prayers and hugs to be delivered at our next meeting.

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  37. So sad we can not do more for you, also a big hug for you here sweet Patty, with love xoxo

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  38. Silent prayers and thoughts for you both, with love xxx

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  39. I’m with you in my thoughts Patty… the dialogue makes it all so clear… sending hugs your way dear one!

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  40. Patty, I don’t know what to say… I am so sorry for your loss. Having children myself I can’t imagine what it would be to lose them. My heart reaches out to you!

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  41. Thinking of you, Patty and sending you a big hug.

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  42. my thoughts are with you today Patty!! Bless you.

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  43. Dear Patty, those words are so true, sending love and hugs xo
    Dymphie

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  44. As the others have said so well, my heart goes out to you, Patty.I have the feeling that your love for art helps to mend your heart. Art heals.

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  45. I am late, but do remember and pray for you. Words are always inadequate, but they’re all I have. But my prayers are with you. Hugs and blessings!

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  46. i am late as well, and what can one say?
    thinking of you with love.

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  47. Hi Patty, I’m late but you’re in my thoughts a lot. That must be very difficult, losing a child, I just cannot imagine. Sending you a huge (((((hug))))).

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  48. As you can see, I’m catching up. My friend, my heart aches for all who lose a child — I think there can be no greater loss, and it’s one I can’t comprehend. Sending you hugs and love.

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  49. my baby Luke would be eight in February…I lit a candle for luke and alex again this year…I think of you every Christmas.

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  50. Pingback: “heart” story tea… | Magpie's Nest ~*~ Patty Szymkowicz

  51. Been thinking about you a lot this month sweetly, sending my love at what is always such a difficult time.

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Thank you for taking the time to share your thoughts here...it means a lot to me and I appreciate your visit very much oxo

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